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After a good couple of weeks of being off sugar, I decided to do a little experiment.
On Saturday night we had some friends over to watch a movie with us. We got them to bring some snacks and we also supplied some snacks. I decided I would allow myself to indulge, and see how I felt afterwards. I let myself have popcorn (which are simple carbs), four squares of Cadbury Dairy Milk chocolate, and a bowl of chocolate mousse (that my friend made using avocado! And completely without refined sugar. Brilliant!).
I felt fine on the evening, but I am certain now that sugar is a big no-no for me. The first big difference I noticed as a result of having sugar, is that I woke up during the night. I have had about a week and a half of sleeping really well. Sleeping like a normal person! And on Saturday night, at I don't know what time (I didn't even bother to look), I woke up. And I laid in bed for at least an hour, tossing and turning, thinking "why can't I sleep?". I don't even know why I woke up; I just did. And all I could do was wait in agony until I fell asleep again, which took ages.
During this period of waking, I also had a small anxiety attack. For no reason at all, I started to think "What is the point in life? Everyone is just going to die. I am going to die. My family and friends are all going to die. Why am I here?". Yes, I had some moments of very emo despair. A deep hopelessness. Like there was no reason for going on. This came seriously out of the blue. I had had a really good evening with my friends, and prior to that I'd had a really good, productive, positive week. So this sudden anxiety and feeling of hopelessness really surprised and scared me.
On Sunday I didn't have any sugar, but I wasn't quite myself. In the morning I was tired but still productive. I snacked on popcorn for no reason (during my sugar-free period however, I pretty much didn't snack at all because I didn't feel a need to). In the afternoon I crashed. I became grouchy and irritable and I felt mentally and physically exhausted. We had planned on going to a friend's place for a barbecue dinner but we ended up staying home because I was feeling so rotten, and I was utterly disinterested in socialising. I literally wanted to curl into a ball in a corner somewhere and pretend I didn't exist. On Sunday night we went to bed at a reasonable time and I had no problems getting to sleep. I slept through the night. And that brings us to today, Monday.
I am still having a rough time of it! I haven't had any sugar since Saturday night and yet I still feel dog tired. I didn't get out of bed until 1pm. I almost couldn't bring myself to shower. Thankfully, I have a husband who will call me from work when he is worried about me, and give me a pep talk. He encouraged me to take a shower and then go for a walk. I managed to do these things. But I still feel exhausted and I feel that I will probably sleep again at some point this afternoon. I feel drowsy, with that itchy feeling behind my eyes - you know? The way you feel when you come home from a weekend tramp or a school camping expedition. Completely exhausted.
Furthermore, motivation has gone right out the window today. I haven't really achieved anything except showering, eating and going for a walk in the sun (which, by the way, I am very pleased with myself for doing). I have wanted to do some creative writing, but it's just not happening. I tried reading and couldn't focus. I don't even want to watch TV, and that requires hardly any effort!
I suspect that snacking on popcorn yesterday (and we also had pizza for dinner last night, which isn't so bad in itself but the pizza bread would have been a load of simple carbs) has contributed to why I feel so crap and unmotivated today. Today I have had no sugar and no simple carbs. Here's hoping that tomorrow I will feel better, but who knows how many days sugar will take its toll on my system?
In other news, I'll be kicking off 50 Weeks of Positivity later today, so check back here for the first challenge! I'm excited!
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